Luckily it was a new and expensive bed with good springs and that neither of us was particularly heavy, or surely some springs would have come undone. I was five seven and slim built, weighing under one thirty. In our heady state we kept bouncing into each other and I liked the comfy softness of her breasts or ass or belly every they came into contact with me, and I thought that if she wasn’t my mom it would have been nice to hold her close. I felt a slight stirring in my crotch and was a bit ashamed of that indiscretion in feelings. Just then she lost balance and reaching out to use me as support, brought me down on top of her. I quickly rolled over after feeling my crotch pressing into hers and identifying the distinct bump that I was feeling between her thighs. She sat up and started laughing again. “This reminds me of when your uncle Carl and I were kids we would get onto mom and dad’s big bed and play king of the castle, each trying to throw the other off the bed to see who. Or without it, I thought, giving myself a grim little smile.I was hungry, I thought – or, at least, I knew I should be hungry – so I ought to cook. I also ought to look at some of the mail that had accumulated while I'd been away – I'd been genuinely too tired to do anything with it earlier in the week – and begin to get things sorted so that I could sell the place. Instead, I sat on the floor and felt sorry for myself. Sorry for Phil, too, sorry for all the things that might have been ... but mainly sorry for me. Not what all those helpful books on managing the grieving process would recommend, I'm sure, but that was what I did. Frankly, I wallowed. At least for a while.Then I pulled myself together a bit – I could imagine how a lot of my friends and colleagues would react to seeing me this way and the thought at least sufficed to get me up on my feet. Once vertical, however, I still couldn't really get myself interested in doing anything even marginally productive, so I sort of.
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