"But," I hesitated, "anyone could see me..." "Like I said." And the line went dead. Abandonment. I panicked, dropped the phone, took two steps back from the window, shaking with fear and panic, hands over my mouth. No, no, please, give me another chance! I began pacing the room, frightened that she might cut me off without a word and leave me to my unfulfilled longings, and terrified that she might not. The phone buzzed with a message. I scurried back to the window and picked it up, reading the words with a thudding heart. You see? You're not serious. I don't have time for your silly housewife games. Do what I said and I'll call you back. Otherwise, have a nice life. The phone vibrated in my trembling hand as I read and a second message appeared. Three minutes. You decide. I dropped to the end of the bed, cradling the silent phone in both hands, my brain overloaded with fear and imagined outcomes, my sensible resistance fighting with my aching need. She knew what it was to be vital. “In what way?”“God,” I said, exasperated, trying to get the conversation back onto a stable path. “You’re a nice woman.”“Why shouldn’t I be?” she said.“Okay,” I said. I’m sorry. I thought…”“No, it’s okay,” she said, touching my hand. “I’m being silly. Some people in this country think I’m a sort of novelty. Because of my colour.” She looked at me for a comment.“I like your colour,” I said. “It doesn’t make any difference. Actually, it does,” I corrected. “There are sexy women of all colours and nationalities. But… ”The rest of that line was 'a sexy black woman is the sexiest of all', but I regretted using the word sexy in the first place, in case she thought I really was some kind of fetishist who was turned on by her ethnicity rather than her personality. Which was partly true.“But what?”“I’m sorry,” I blundered, “I shouldn’t have said you were sexy.”“Oh, thanks,” she said. “You mean I'm not?”“You are,” I said. "I think you are," By the little smile on her face I guessed she was.
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