“Yeah, I guess so. But I’m kind of conflicted.” “Why?” “You turned me loose with all those men. What was that?” “That’s for you to decide, I think. Did you enjoy it? Did you have a good time?” “Will you hate me if I said I did?” I shook my head slowly. “Not at all. I thought that was the whole point.” “You know, I never, ever, thought about doing something like that before,” she said. “The thing with Drew was bizarre. But this? This was overwhelming.” “But it was good, wasn’t it?” “I don’t want you to stop loving me. I need you.” “You still love me, don’t you?” I saw tears start to trickle down her cheeks. She nodded. “So much.” “Tell me the truth, though. Did you think about me at all last night?” “You know I did,” she snuffed. “I thought how disappointed you’d be in me.” “Come here,” I said, pulling her into my arms. “I am not disappointed in you. I am thrilled for you. You’re all right, Cary. You still love me and I still love you. This exercise, this entertainment; it doesn’t. Want some?" Tell me what happened!" she yelled, and to anyone else she would've sounded angry, but I knew, and she on the raw edge of pain and panic.In answer, I grabbed my journal, turned the key to unlock it, and opened it to the page I'd started writing on Christmas Eve before handing it to her."What the fuck is this?" she asked, turning it over to look at the glittery unicorn cover.But I only picked up my phone and went to the kitchen. I refused to think about anything, not Mom, not John, not about where I would live. I just moved my body unconsciously. My arm reached up for two mugs and then began filling them with water. Just as I was reaching for the tea bags, my phone vibrated.It was John. "Are you okay?" I asked in a whisper."Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I dropped as soon as I got here. I just woke up. I didn't want to call before, in case you were sleeping. What happened after I left?" I haven't been to sleep yet. Mom is going to kick me out." What? Seriously?" he asked,.
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