The next hour was taken with the lads swimming, larking about and doing what lads do in a swimming pool. She made sandwiches and called them from the water, each sitting to the table under the sun shade, each shovelling down the sandwiches as only hungry lads can. She told them to stay and chat when they had finished for fear of stomach cramps after the meal. She asked them about girl friends; each saying that the few girls they knew either didn’t want or couldn’t be bothered with lads, Clive saying “most girls at his school were a bunch of rug munching lesbians”. She choked a bit over that, asking what he knew about lesbians. It was not a lot he blushingly said, but he had heard “that it was women who preferred women”. She looked at the other two who both had blank expressions, neither having heard the term before; there school being an all boy`s school and a very different one to the mixed one Clive went too. Gently she probed the boys a to their sexual knowledge, their. I'm not afraid anymore when Doctor Jamison wants to put me into what she calls a light trance. She can do that very quickly now. She doesn't snap her fingers or anything like that stuff you see on stage, but I can focus so much better now and she can ask anything she wants. I'm not embarrassed by anything she might dredge up anymore. She's found so much and later, when she brings me out of it, she makes me discuss whatever she talks with me about when I'm under.Sometimes, when I just talk about it outside of deep relaxation, it goes away like it never was actually there to begin with. I don't understand how that can be, but Doctor Jamison says not to worry about it; it's just my mind dealing with whatever it was and resolving it. She says that's why she brings those issues up. It's so I can consciously face them and put them away like clothes I no longer want to wear... clothing I don't need any longer.It does feel good to set them aside. I feel fresh and clean again... but the hurt.
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