She is calm. Practical. Self-sacrificing And she has the good of us all at heart. Things I’ll never be. I spent my first thirteen years almost entirely in solitary. Your priorities are based on your situation. I sit up and hold the binoculars to my eyes, scanning the west for movement. Nothing. I grab my belt and remove a cigarette, lighting it before falling back down on the mattress. The roof access door moans open beneath me, and I quickly shrug into my cotton shirt. ‘Any movement?’ ‘Long time no see, stranger. How’re the fans working?’ ‘It’s no good when they’re all blowing hot air back at you. You got any more of those?’ ‘C’mon up, I’ll give you one.’ ‘Cool.’ He jumps onto the iron ladder and quickly lands beside me, dropping to his knees and crossing his legs as he sits. As promised, I produce a smoke for him and he lights it, smiling contently at the dark city. Even though it’s pitch dark, I swear I can still make out the blue. ‘Why do you come up here?’ he asks. I. I have paid for that mistake all these years raising him and he was now finishing high school eager to start college. Well I didn’t get the opportunity to earn my degree. Instead I was stuck raising a bastard that I regretted ever giving birth to. I was in his room when I discovered a condom under his mattress. I took out a pin and poked tiny holes through it. I was going to ruin his life just like he ruined mine! He was going to know what it was like for me, all the fucking sacrifices I made for this burden I called my son. I was just about to put the tainted condom back under his mattress when Jimmy walked in. He was shocked, screaming at me to explain myself. Well, I just told him the fucking truth. I yelled at him that he was a mistake and that I regretted the day he was born. He was furious! We argued back and forth at each other, calling each other names and yelling out obscenities. He screamed at me to shut up and shoved my mouth down on his cock. I bobbed up and down.
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