I go out once in a while, even had a girl friend orthree. I’ve had sex with them, eaten their pussies, andshared many intimate moments with them, but I couldn’tbring myself to tell them of my really hidden fantasies. I’m becoming obsessed with pussy. I’m afraid I’ll do justabout anything to get it, and I’m not sure where thatwill lead, so I hesitate. No one knows, except for Kelly.And I haven’t told her all my fantasies, yet. But I thinkshe has a few of her own.Seventeen is a wonderful age. I have a car, so I can getaround, and I’ve discovered the X-rated Drive-in movie. Igo there every Friday night, sometimes alone, sometimeswith a date, but I go EVERY Friday.At first, I was somewhat shy about being at such a place.I wanted to masturbate to the movies, but I didn’t wantto get caught by someone going to the refreshment stand.So that first night I just enjoyed the movies andpleasured my self at home the rest of the night. What I was feeling is hard to explain. Part of me was thrilled that the person who had my mother killed and ordered my death was experiencing the full nature of judgment. It worried me that I was so willing to embrace violence as the answer to my tragedies.Rebecca sensed my confusion and said, "What they did to you was horrible. It's Ok to want them dead. Don't torture yourself for being glad he's gone. That man, whoever he was, earned what he got, and if everyone knew how evil he was, there would be a lot more people thrilled that he doesn't exist anymore."Baby, you have to let it all go. It's going to be all right. I promise."Benjamin must have felt the same way, because he took that instant to lick the back of my hand.Just once.He gave me one little lick to let me know that he was there, and that he loved me. Between Colleen, Rebecca, and Ben, I felt like the most loved person on earth.For a while life was orderly. We worked out terms on the ball team, and began the process of.
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