She is always free to do exactly whatever she wants to do. Every night, she has the choice to leave…or more accurately, every night, she has the temptation to return. She has managed to resist temptation for three nights now, the longest she’s ever been able to refrain from returning since she first came here a month ago, but her reserves of willpower have finally given out. She marvels at how quickly her will has broken. Then she steps inside. The curtains are drawn, as always. The lights are out, save for a few pools of illumination to guide her. She doesn’t need them anymore. She stops in the foyer, though, doffing her coat and hanging it on a hook. She lets her long, dark hair down, running her fingers through it to remove any tangles. She unbuttons most of the buttons on her blouse-she leaves a few in place, for show, but it will look better later if she only pretends to undo them while she dances. It’s easier to make the movement look effortless if you’re only pretending. She. Some perspective, I think, is due here: I made love to my son four times this past weekend. He got me high as a kite Friday night, made me do a striptease while he filmed me with his cell phone, and then masturbated while I watched myself strip and dance for him, the video playing back on the flat screen in my bedroom. Our bedroom, on the weekends.We made love Saturday night and Sunday morning, and again, before he left Sunday afternoon. I am patently a moral degenerate, insane, not to mention, a felon. Incest is legal nowhere in the United States.Wednesday, my birthday morning, was a horror of another kind. Jonathan was gone to school before I woke up; I called in sick, soaked in the bathtub for two hours, until my skin threatened to slough off. I cried, breaking into unexpected, hysterical bawling. I wanted to beat my face with my fists. I wanted to drown myself. I didn't, and knew I was a coward. I almost drowned myself accidentally, falling asleep with my chin in the water.I.
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