Our sorority was the "artsy" house, as indeed it is today. All the art majors and drama majors aspired to join it. When I was tapped to pledge them, I was so happy. I'd heard that their initiation ceremonies were a bit unconventional, not to say weird, but when I asked the "senior sister" about it, she wouldn't give me details. She did say that while there might be some element of a sexual nature, there wouldn't be rape. I would have complete control when I did whatever I had to do. I had to be content with that.The initiation was held in the large room in the basement, next to the furnace room. I was led into the room naked except for a blindfold. There were five of us similarly attired. I was a virgin ... not an uncommon thing for a college freshman back then, although almost unheard of today, I'm told. There was a short speech welcoming us, and then our blindfolds were removed.I noticed that the other pledges were nude as well. We were very self-conscious of our nakedness, holding. If you tried to spoon me … I’d let you. You know I like your arms.”So I agreed. Even though I knew it would be hell. I knew it. I knew it. It’s like if you were addicted to heroin, and someone said that you could sleep in a bed of heroin as long as you didn’t inhale it. Really? May I lie down beside the thing I want more than anything else in the world but not actually know what it feels like. Thank you.I made it through about a week, of just lying there, eyes open, for hours. Sleep would not come. She’d roll over, her body against mine. Or she’d fall asleep on my chest, just a thin pair of boxers and tank top separating her skin from mine. It was torture. Every cell in my body needed more.I’d wake up in the mornings and beat off in the shower, first thing. I’d pump once or twice, tops, and that would be it. Done. Finished. A lifetime of relief washing down the drain.I started jerking off before bed. I figured if I flushed it out of my system, I’d be fine. Wrong. It didn’t help. So I.
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