I asked her that so that her condition would influence you to do what I wanted. Angry with me?”“No,” I sighed. “Ashamed of myself that my Protestant work ethic got in the way of seeing that the state of the flat was unimportant. What was important was that she needed help. She shouldn’t have had to present her condition in a way that would appeal to me. It is MY fault that you had to ask her to do so much.”“Good for you, Raymond. You are learning. I am a woman’s goddess. I didn’t like pushing her so hard to get you to respond. It worked but it hurt her and me. You wouldn’t have worked so hard if I had just asked you to sort out the administration’s mess.”“No.” I was feeling even more ashamed. I had thought I had achieved something yet I wouldn’t have done it without being manoeuvred into it. It took away most of my sense of pride in a job well done.“Please could I have a cup of coffee?” Brigit asked.I blinked at the sudden change of subject.“Certainly. That won’t take long.”Brigit. What Paul wanted was a friend, a lover, and – something else. Something very particular, to him very precious, though a little peculiar. And he had given up on finding it. He had no illusions about himself as a rare catch, he knew he was short, a little pudgy, and not particularly handsome. He knew he had a nice, if infrequent, smile, and women seemed to like his eyes, but physically, there was little else about him that women found appealing. As a lover, he knew, he was perhaps too gentle and giving. He no longer expected to find a woman who could appreciate him for what he had to offer, though, and had grown used to bring alone. But he still dreamed and hoped and speculated. And he still liked to look. Paul opened the paper to the comics pages – his favorite part of the paper – and looked toward the front counter of the restaurant. He wondered if she would come in today. A young woman he had come to think of as ‘that pretty auburn-haired girl’ came in almost every morning.
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