The fire burned in my dreams, lighting up Prince Meinard’s soldiers standing outside.“If you were free, what would you do?” Ealaín asked.Irritation flared through me, fed by my weariness. “Well, I’m not free. He killed my sister! My parents! And I have this dumb amulet, too.” I glared at her. “That’s why you’re here, right? To help me destroy this amulet? Why are you asking these questions?”“I’m not here to help you destroy the amulet. I’m here to help you find yourself.”I frowned at that. What did that mean?“What do you truly wish you were doing? What is your true goal?”“I...” The fingers of my left hand, not holding my horse’s bridle, clenched. They itched. “I ... I haven’t truly painted in so long. Not with a real brush.” My tongue moistened my lips as I thought, the exhaustion spilling off mind, letting me think. “Illusions aren’t the same. They’re...” I searched for the right word. “They’re too real. Does that makes sense?”Ealaín nodded, her pure-white hair sliding about her. Two hours later and I hadn't heard anybody leave. I thought that I'd heard people go to bed, so I assumed that Cathy had crashed out onto the sofa. Seizing the opportunity, I tiptoed down the corridor to the lounge to see if I could talk to her, but I didn't see her anywhere. Confused I went back to my room and lay on my bed.A few minutes later, I heard the familiar sound of Geoff and Deborah having sex. My room shook as they went for it harder and harder. I could hear Deborah crying out and tried to imagine the scene. Geoff was so much bigger than Deborah; he must have been lifting her off the bed with his large hands.I started to think about the things that the girls had made me say. I had to admit to myself that when I was in the mood for crossdressing, I did fantasize about men. However, I knew that I wasn't gay normally, only when I was en femme, and the majority of the time, my femme side stayed quiet, and I cringed when I thought about it.I thought about how Deborah must be.
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