His seat was upper but in front of me and he can watch me from there. I was on the beggar’s seat. The beggar was Bihari with long dirty hairs and stinking smell. Hind hands were black altogether and it seemed like he was a trash collector. I found it very uncomfortable to sit near him.arket in the morning and lot of places so i was also tired and wanted to rest. I slowly tried to make some more space on the seat and to unfold my legs. But the beggar didn’t wanted and he kept pushing me. Later some passenger switched of the lights so that no new passenger can look inside for finding a seat. I was shivering with cold. I don’t know how but beggar realized that i was feeling cold and he gave more space to me and also offered his blanket. But i refused. I tried looking for my bf (Hari) and found him on upper seat and he was awake. Hari asked whether i am comfortable and i shook my head in affirmative tone. There were very dim lights in coach and it was impossible to detect slight. Hansen wasthat this business of wearing dresses was doing serious things inside myhead. My feelings were on a roller coaster and my dreams, whoa! Bizarreto say the least. The bottom line was that I was afraid. Afraid of what Imight find out about myself, and afraid of what I might not find outabout. I don't know if Dr. Hansen dealt with such things on a day to daybasis, but she certainly made me feel that I was not a candidate for theloony bin just because I felt that way. Whatever that way was!For several sessions we talked about just what it was that I did feelwhen I put on a dress and how I even felt about having such feelings. Itold her about the feeling of 'resonance,' that sense of 'rightness' whenI got dressed up for the photo sessions. I knew that I had to deal withthese feelings because the winery people were pressuring Tony to use mefor personal appearances on behalf of their product and some commercials- gleep! I had just about come to grips, or so I thought, with the.
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