Already I could feel the thump thump thump passing through me, washing away any hesitation.Through a set of inner doors the music pounded into me, lights flashing all around. Almost the entire club was a writhing mass of bodies. Dancing, drinking, laughter everywhere, flashes of faces for only the briefest of moments before murky twilight reclaimed them. It wasn't hard to become part of all that and I spun from dance partner to dance partner, allowing them only the ghost of a touch before moving on. Men and women passed by in a blur, forgotten in moments. I felt the music pour into me, let the lights dazzle me and all my inhibitions fell away, discarded like clothes on a strangers bedroom floor.I was so taken by the mood of the room I didn't notice the effect it was having on me. Every touch sent a warm tingle through me, every brush of an arm, grabbed handful and outright grope sent an electric heat to wash over my skin. Giddy, I stumbled backward into waiting arms. Strong and. Any sort of interaction with real girls seemed out of reach. That might sound odd to a normal bloke but it’s because the sort of interaction I wanted was beyond the pale – to tell a girl I wanked on Her all the time, to go up to Her and mac-wank in full view, to show girls all my dirty mags, to see a girl dance and openly pants-spunk in front of Her, to see a girl pose for real – all impossible. Add to that that I had no idea what girls thought and for a long time I assumed they never thought about sex or wanted anything to do with it – though there was plenty to suggest this was all not true, it’s just I didn’t see it or recognise it. So there was no indication that I could ever indulge my fantasies, not least because I couldn’t talk to girls at all, let alone ask for anything like the things I wanted.In the 80s I saw in Escort magazine the ‘Aunty Jayne Photo-Seminars’ She did with some of the big-tit models, including Miss Donna Ambrose. I didn’t attempt to square what those girls.
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