Henry had me keep coming back in for my checkups, and as he predicted, I developed externally as a girl. What he did not predict was that I was also developing emotionally as a girl. When he realized that I was no longer thinking of myself as a boy he consulted several of his colleagues in the psychiatric professions, and at their urging decided not to bring this up until it became a problem. And develop I did. Instead of being a tiny, frail boy I grew into a small, shapely girl. I was by no means beautiful; rather, I was the ubiquitous "girl next door". I remained smaller than Bobbie, who was beginning to look a bit like the character Red Sonja from the Conan cartoons. In the summer after my sophomore year both Bobbie and I turned sixteen. It was on a warm August evening of the same summer that my life again became turbulent. Dr. Henry and Mr. Strathmore dropped in after dinner, and asked Bobbie, Jordy and me to meet with them in the living room. Since they had become regular. . but this? Right now I didn't even know where the damn thing was,let alone what that girl was doing with it, and not knowing? That was wayworse.Hell, maybe I'd destroy the thing outright. Once I'd fixed everything, ofcourse. Once I'd fixed myself, once I'd fixed Evan. We'd get while thegetting was good and retire from the swapping game altogether, then I'dtake a hammer and smash the damn thing so that I'd never have to be afraidof anyone else using it ever again. Nothing was worth this kind of worry.Well, okay, it had brought Evan and I closer together, hadn't it? Not thatwe weren't together before... but I certainly appreciated him a lot morenow, after almost losing him. And the sex... well, the sex was amazing. Butstill, even that was a high price for this madness.I shook my head. Enough self loathing. That was the old me. Doubt andguilt. As much as the new me had caused a lot of problems, right now Ineeded her confidence. I needed to accept what had happened, and that Ineeded to.
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