Fear played a big part in what I was doing. All too frequently I would be gently easing back on the trigger and have the sense of a VC sniper taking aim at me. I handled it – controlling my fear was the name of the game. It was all about being in the zone: controlling my breathing by taking slow, steady deliberate breaths. I could feel my heart rate slow and my body coming to a completely relaxed state. When it was right, I was one hundred per cent in the zone. For that moment time stops, I would feel alive with some nagging sense that I wouldn’t be staying that way for long. That moment would seem to last forever for me … a time out of life. Then I would pull the trigger and know I had taken a man’s life. Looking through a scope at a target is something quite personal. I would watch some guy wipe his nose with his sleeve or the sweat off his brow with his hand. Sometimes I would watch the eyes shift and I would wonder what he was thinking about … and whether he was married and had. I was stunned and wondered what for, asking why? Karen said can't talk now, but play it cool.I was arrested and charged with multiple counts of rape, child molesting, incest, sodomy, drug charges and the cops were just nasty to me. The cops spilled the beans too; my buddy had been caught fucking his sister by their mother. Rather than be a stand up guy he had blamed me and said I had him rape his sister, that we had given the girls drugs and forced them both to have sex with us, that I had raped Karen at the same time he followed my instructions and raped his older sister. He even told them that I was the brains of an incest gang. This idiot knew about other sibling couples that were fucking each other and turned us all in. There were between 15 and 20 guys arrested in the drug sweep.Here I was in the California Youth Authority Detention Center with all the guys that had been fucking a sister. The cops had me tapped as the ring leader and I had raped a sister and two cousins, my aunt.
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