Though he wore the tough canvas pants the Texas drovers preferred, he now wore buckskin shirts, made right here in the Ellsworth Leather Shop, where Wild Bill was given credit for creating the design.As they stood with mouths agape, he spoke, “The agent told me I’d have to see you men about loading my horse in that cattle car. We’re headed to Carson City, Nevada and I’ll expect him to have plenty of hay and water along the way.”Jeremiah made sure his brass star was visible as he spoke. He’d already learned that his badge commanded attention from most folks, the good and the bad.“Yes Sir, Deputy. This young couple is here now to make arrangements for their horses to travel through to Carson City. Since you’ll be traveling on our train too, we’ll make sure your horse and theirs are well cared for,” the engineer told him, then glanced at the young man and woman, nodding as if letting them know too, that their horses would be cared for as well.“Then if you’ll slide that door back about. I offered to buy him out of it. The only way ... I offered myself.” Kate cried and held herself to me. I was so angry I couldn’t even put my arms around her.“You told me he forced you.”“He did. But it was my fault. The first time he kissed me I realized I’d made a mistake. I was so overwhelmed with self-loathing that I froze. He kept going and I started to fight him off. I said, ‘No. I can’t do this.’ He just kept pulling my clothes off. I pushed and scratched, but I couldn’t get away from the constant hammering in my head that this was what I deserved. I deserved to be humiliated and raped. I deserved everything he did. I hated myself. You think I deserved it, too.”I managed to bring my hands up to Kate’s shoulders and tried to hold her. She pushed herself away from me.“I understand what Wendy felt when she went back to Rafe. I understand why she felt that way. I understand what a terrible, dirty, self-centered person I am. I wash—douche—every day, but I’ll never be clean again. I.
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