In my male existence, I never considered myself to be unhappy.My life was safe, but not honest. It wasn't until I secured my firstbra, and fitted real breasts into the cups did I realize what happinesswas all about. It took a while before I was able to let go of my anger,acquiesced and accepted my alter-ego."Phyllis hefted her boobs up with both hands. "As you can see, myhappiness cups runneth over. I may have dived too deeply into the poolof joy."The crowd snickered at the small joke."The thought I would someday stand before an assembly of strangers inhigh heels, wearing makeup, and dressed in a designer dress wasincomprehensible. Yet here I am and a better person for theopportunity. This honor overwhelms me. Just being considered a memberof the distinguished body of transgender persons is humbling. Beingselected as the woman of the year is awe-inspiring. Thank you all."Carol had not heard Phyllis' speech prior to this evening and she knewthat some of Phyllis' comments. I had to process all of that. ‘Thanks,’ I responded. ‘I am going to take a shower and digest all of that.’ She smiled at me and I headed up the stairs. I went into my room and used the bathroom in there instead of the bathroom that was attached to Brooke’s bedroom. I stripped out of my sweaty running cloths and stepped into the single stall shower. The water flowed over me and I prayed it would clean my mind. I needed help preparing for tomorrow. I thought of everything as I was standing there. I thought of all these women. Vivian, who had some deep rooted feelings for me but her violence last night had scared me. Emma, who started this and then stepped away, but still always kept her finger on the pulse of the game. Nikki, who I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time with and now found myself missing. Leslie, who needed me for strength. Penny, who I needed for sanity. And now, of course, Brooke, who had captured pieces of me, pieces that I thought had died in my divorce. My train of.
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