Christ, she'd all but sapped the goddamned marrow from his bones... but had she only agreed and joined him in making Carol's and Max's suck-circus a foursome, he'd have gotten in a few licks of vengeance that his loving wife wouldn't have forgotten right away, and there wasn't a damn thing she could've done about it. They could ill-afford to blow the scene after coming this far... at least, that's the way he'd felt about it then, but now he wasn't so sure. The trigging cost was beginning to look all out of proportion to the end gains. Christ, he loved her, the beautiful blonde vixen... at least, he wanted to, but... goddamnit, now he was so fucking confused... !Of course, it wasn't too late for her to make a clean breast of it all, the way they had always done with the capitol crowd after a "swapmeet." And if she came right out and told him she'd sucked the lecherous bastard to completion, and it was the first time she'd ever gone the whole route, then he'd believe her... believe her. And not in the manner of a normal mother, oh, no! In the manner of a woman and a man. I wanted him to protect me as I cared for him, to warm my bed, to prove his love for me on my body. I lost count of how many times I had sobbed myself to sleep knowing the impossibility of my dreams, or tried to work it out of my system by masturbating and imagining I was with someone, anyone else. It never worked, though; my thoughts always returned to Brandon, muscles rippling powerfully as he vanquished anything that threatened me.After a few sessions with the counsellor that had not helped- and how could they, for I lied to her about the cause of my stress- she suggested that I try writing down my feelings and thoughts, then burn the letter to myself, symbolically ending that chapter of my life. She claimed it was a powerful tool, that organising my jumbled mind and emotions then destroying them would be cathartic; I had nothing to loose, and so I rose in the early hours of the night, went down.
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