“Yes, if you want to be brutally honest. After aborting the child – by the simple expedient of downing a bottle of gin while sitting in a hot bath – Constance began working at the House of Joy. She became the most popular girl in the establishment and made a pile of money before retiring four years ago and going to the Americas. I suspect she has set up her own bordello in New Orleans or some equally debauched town, and probably calls it The Constant Plugging.” He laughed at his own joke, but I did not join him. “Constance made the best of a bad job. I have no remorse for what I did, and in fact it was the start of a lucrative business association between myself and Joy, Madam Joyeux. Constance Munny was the first fishing fleet member to find employment with Madam Joyeux in Cape Town, but she was not the last. Indeed those two who jumped...” Captain Hands abruptly bellowed at the helmsman. “You’re five points off course, you blind bugger. Get us back on the proper heading else we. The cycle was painful and I didn't know what to do with all those new emotions. What was, for the longest time, a source of comfort for me, became a type of self-torture. And it only escalated from there.Most of the day, in the morning, I wouldn't allow myself to even begin to think about it, but when I was alone in my bed at night, I would grasp at my body pillow and imagine things that I would only allow him to do. First, it was the idea of a kiss, a simple, chaste kiss. Then it was a deeper kiss. Then I allowed myself to imagine that perhaps, at night, he would think of me too. Maybe he would touch himself while thinking of me. I plunged into those thoughts deeper and deeper. What I would do to him, where I would touch him, his vulnerable expressions, the sounds he would make. Him begging me for release. In those moments, I was so turned on, but had no idea what to make of it. With my limited knowledge, I could only just imagine an imagination of what I wanted and I still didn't.
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