"I crossed my arms under my chest. I didn't really feel like whatever lecture I was going to get."She was waiting in the living room for me when I got home last night. Do you have any idea how hard that was for her to do?" I guess." Jackie, she hasn't come out of her room alone except to go to the bathroom. And she's really had to struggle just to do that. For her to leave the safety of her room to wait for me by herself took a lot of courage." OK." She hurts, Jackie. She was crying on my shoulder last night because she hurt you." Then why does she keep shoving me away?" It's not that simple. Her body actually hurts if you or any other male gets too close to her. Those few times when she started crying, she told me she was ready to throw up if you hadn't left. Not that she wanted to throw up but that her body would do it because you were so close to her."She doesn't like it, Jackie. She's not doing it because she wants to. It's a survival thing for her. She can see what she's doing. During that time, we learned to live together, became use to each others little idiosyncrasies, learned to give and take, and loved being together.Then, we married. Before the echo of the "I do" had died away, the relationship changed. The loner exerted his dominance.But to know what I mean, you must first know who I am and how I got this way.I've always been a loner. I don't mean a hermit hiding in a cave. I mean someone who could never open up, express feelings, nor share personal problems. It just is not in my makeup. How did I get this way? I wasn't born this way.My father was extremely outgoing and always helping his fellow man. My mother was not as outgoing but never said bad word about anyone. Even though I have a sister, she was born ten years after I was, so basically I was an only child. Later, after my sister's arrival, I became a built-in babysitter when the folks had to go out.My first memories are of living in a farmhouse with no other people within a quarter mile. I.
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