When I reflect for longer (like now) I can feel a pressure in my chest which is the bundled up feelings and overwhelming devotion. I am his sub and will do whatever He asks me to do whenever he asks me and with whomever He decides. I do not need to think about it. This leaves me free to devote my attention to doing it well. In my vanilla life I am a decision maker and a driver and impatient to get things done. When I have decided on something I go for it. Bridging this gap is something I am still learning. I have to remind myself as his sub that it is not about me. As his sub I must learn to be patient and wait until He tells me to do something. For example I would like to have some Ben wa balls so that I can train my vaginal muscles to be tight despite all the stretching they regularly endure. The vanilla me wants to rush out and buy some and start using them. As a sub I have to learn to be patient and wait. He will decide if and when I get them - and if and when I am to wear them. "Vicky, while I was at the mall today I got a little gift for you today." He smiled, a secret little smile, but Vicky saw it. "How sweet! Thank you! I think," and her smile was a little wry one, with suspicion and expectation thrown in for good measure. "Oh, I'm sure you will like this one." This time, as he handed the Les Bon Temps bag, his grin was much less subtle. Vicky felt herself moisten at his words. She opened the bag. "Why, these are lovely, thank you. You must have been thinking of me, no?" And she kissed him, more for thinking of her than for the lingerie. She held up the bra. "Wait, what is this? This is a 36B. You know I wear a 36C." "Oh, these little items aren't for you. No, this is just the beginning of this little gift." Now his smile was full on devious. All Vicky's down low things went into red alert mode. Which, as it turned out, was entirely appropriate... The next day, after a slow and sleazy morning, Sean sat up …."Time to go shopping, Vicky." .
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