."It was autumn then. The leaves were bright red and yellow, still hanging from the trees, desperate to leave the higher ground to mould in the warm soft earth. I always loved the autumn back then, but now I look upon autumn with sorrow. The dying part of the seasons' cycle. So much comparing to a human's life. The years before death.I had no idea what to say, no idea what might comfort him. I had never experienced death in that way. People died in the village I lived in, but never someone I cared for. I knew that Alexander loved his father — he always tried to live to the old king's principles.I started crying, because I knew what this meant. This meant that Alexander would become king. And a king has no time for a peasant girl, especially not someone who all the time throws him into the dirt and drags his hair.I threw myself at him — I wanted to hug him, but I did not know how to give him one. I punched him, pinched him, and kicked him. I screamed my lungs out. The only one I loved. I stared at his back waiting for him to bring the fullness of the truth to light. “I don’t want to lead you on,” he said to the wall, “I don’t want you to think that we are a couple.” The truth was, that I knew we were not a couple. The truth was, that what we shared was the past. Oh, but how I wanted to live the lie, if only for a night. I struggled to fight back my sobs as I searched for the right words to say. Finally, I mustered up what little dignity I had left and asked, “How can you say that you don’t feel comfortable letting me spend the night, but yet you felt comfortable enough to have sex with me?” He turned his head, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. His answer was the final insult to my integrity. His answer was the very essence of a lie. A lie he expected me to believe as truth. “I have to get up early in the morning and I don’t want to have you miss out on any sleep because of me.” His answer was almost laughable, tonight sleep would provide little refuge.
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