I presume she’s getting an update and status report,” I told the news-hungry gathering. “Sheila has asked me to get everyone settled and do an attendance check. Is anyone not here? Martha, can you do the honors?”The terror in the Captain of the Kitchen eyes abated as she focused on the task at hand. Busy people don’t have the luxury of panic. As Martha attended to the women, I assumed a seat on the stone bench and took a moment to gather my wits and clear my mind. I was terrified. Fear can be a useful servant, unlike his kissing cousin, Panic. Fear strengthens the scenes and sharpens the mind. Panic smothers reason, and we flee without purpose.Trembling like an old man, I tapped a smoke out of my pack of cigarettes and flicked my Bic. It sparked to life on the second flick. I inhaled and held each breath for a moment before exhaling. As the pace of my breathing slowed, the knot of muscles in my jaw and neck gradually softened. Nicotine seduces every smoker, and we’ll continue to love. He’s always in such a good mood when they win, and takes it so personally when they lose. Maybe he actually was a Celtic warrior in a previous life. He plonks the empty juice carton on the worktop at the side of her, despite the fact that the bin is by his feet. I pick up the scent of sweat again, and perhaps breathe it in a little too deeply, because he looks at me quizzically for a second. Whatever his concern, it passes almost instantly. There’s a difference between the smell of sweat on someone that’s been working out, and someone that hasn’t showered on a hot day. I love the first smell, there’s a pronounced masculinity to it. Folding his arms, he leans against the worktop, and we chat whilst I continue with the washing-up. I go slowly, because we’re in close proximity and I want it to last. From his position, he could see inside my blouse if he wanted to, and I wonder for a moment if he’s looked, checked me out, as Jodie would have said. I dismiss the idea as girlish fantasy,.
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