At school, my friend Ronnie used to try to put his hand down my trousers on the school bus. At the time I fought him off, but as I've aged I think back and wonder why. As was usual for people in the sixties and seventies I grew into heterosexual relationships, got married and had children. None of which I regret; I love my family dearly but I have often wondered how it might have been different.As I got near to being fifty that curiosity grew; the sensations created by that skinny schoolboy when I was fifteen seemed more real than perhaps they ever were at the time. I started to yearn for that touch, for the feel of another man's hand on me. I started to watch porn and wonder what it would feel like to experience some of the things I witnessed on screen.That inquisitive mindset came to a head when I had to spend three days away from home. Alone, ensconced in a strange and characterless hotel, I could not only let my imagination run free, I had the opportunity to explore my. As she studied Gary’s face, she also wondered how the female Dominants fitted in. There was nothing Fifties-like about Dommes. Were they respected by the male Dominants? Was BDSM a modern movement? And what about feminism? Was there room for feminism in BDSM? She’d have to ask... For some reason the words of Catherine in Wuthering Heights came to mind... ‘... the thing that irks me the most is this shattered prison. I’m tired, tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there, not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart; but really with it, and in it.’ Did Emily Bronte desire a world unavailable to women today? Or was she referring to a state of mind, a shattered prison, perhaps something unfathomable in these days of legislated equality? Elaine understood the usual translation: that Catherine yearned for the freedom to choose her own destiny. But right at that moment,.
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