I saw her molars and her naked jawbone. But mine hell endures. When she died, my soul was sundered. So intertwined were we, that the ‘me’ I was, doesn’t exist anymore. I know that life continued, I ate, slept, I went to work, watched TV, I even went to my beloved Texas home football games down in Austin. But if I didn’t have the ticket stubs, I would swear I hadn’t even watched them on TV. I know I visited with friends and that family came to see me. But for the last six months, I retreated into a deep place where light has never been. If only, if only suicide wasn’t a mortal sin–but like that old 60s song Last Kiss. ‘She’s gone to heaven so I got to be good So I can see my baby when I leave this world.’ Tonight is Christmas Eve, and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through tomorrow. I’ve just returned from our midnight candlelight service at church. As we sang endless Christmas carols, something shattered. When my little candle was lit, it illuminated the dark cave of my. Other than the annoyance of having to lie perfectly still for an extended period for the full-body MRI, the testing had gone quickly and smoothly. I wouldn’t have full results for some time, but the MRI detected no strange masses or growths, the EKG was what the technician called ‘textbook perfect’, and the EEG showed I was, as Mary put it, legally brain-dead. Or, as the technician had put it, ‘no obvious anomalies’.After lunch, I had a full cardiac stress test, followed by a cognitive abilities test, and a psych eval. As I said to the Psych Resident, nobody I knew would dispute the fact that I was certifiable, but I was functioning, so he couldn’t have me locked up. He laughed, and we had a pretty good chat, though I struggled to refrain from giving smart-ass answers to some of his questions. I could have had SO much fun with the word association test, but played it straight.At the end of the day, Mary joined Maria Cristina and me for dinner, and we went to see Men in Black at the.
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