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It took me a long time to get over that. Long time? Yeah. I came out to a few people, privately, in the late 1980's. In the early 90's I got involved with a gender program in Milwaukee, went through all the sessions and groups and testing, and finally had a firm diagnosis (which, of course, only confirmed what I'd known all along).I was married at the time, something that in hindsight was a mistake. I was in love with her and she with me, but we both had issues, and in the late 90's things fell apart. Yes, she knew about my gender issues, since before we were married, and at the time that was not a problem for her. Later it became one.In early 1994 I was finally recommended for hormones, and that's when Teri started throwing up barriers. She started showing reluctance, and ultimately flat-out begged me to not go ahead with things. To please her, and to avoid her disapproval I put the prescriptions aside and dropped out of the program, figuring that at best I'd be able to eventually. "Jerry went to help himself to cereal. That was their morning ritual and normally Emma's eyes sparkled. They did not this morning. He wondered why: something on her mind? He shrugged mentally. She was probably getting in a last minute stew about Christmas preparations.Emma was abnormally quiet at breakfast and in the end Jerry asked her if everything was all right."Yes. Fine. I'm just sort of running through things in my head." Well, if there's a panic your manservant is at your beck and call."Emma smiled wanly at him."She's not herself," mused Jerry. "She'll tell me when she's ready though."After they had washed up Jerry took his second cup of coffee and the paper through to the study. Emma picked up the telephone and went up to their room closing the door behind her. She rang the surgery and asked for an appointment with her doctor."Certainly, Mrs Evans. How about next Thursday at eleven fifteen?" Couldn't you make it sooner?" I'm afraid not. Being closed for the next three days.
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