The convulsion of my body unleashes an anguished cry from me, a cry the origins of which are from our shared primordial mud and existence. Grunting, I continue to rut, dumping load after load of jizz into him, my imperative accomplished. Will the praying mantis now eat his mate? Yet again, I understand why he does not defend himself, the lassitude of post coital exhaustion completely enervating. Still, his hips are bucking up onto me, rocking against my pubic bone, his leg demandng further invasion. I know his cock is unloading, spasming and convulsing between our furry bellies, unloading thick curds of sperm-laden spunk between us. I cannot tell if he is laughing or crying, his hands mashing my face into his own, our teeth crashing together, our lips dangeously close to gnashed by their sharpness and the v******e of our kissing. We are in an unnatural tangle of arms, legs, heads and torsos. His right leg is fully extended over his shoulder and head, the left leg wrapped. It was actually about eight or nine months from when I purged everyfeminine piece of clothing I owned, telling myself this was all wrong,but the desires just had become stronger. That part I knew.Back to walks enfemme and I moved to a new neighborhood that made iteasier to go out dressed. That was not the purpose of my move, but ithelped things click and I was closer to some of the people in my supportsystem. I now lived in a more mixed area (gay and straight) and got alittle more into clubbing now. I always loved clubbing, but even more sonow did not always have the guts to go alone enfemme, but time andfriends eased that too.It would be at a big party that we went to as a group that a friendfound in the Village Voice that my first true male "encounter" wouldoccur.So back to the "mental side of it."Was I curious? Yes.Was I afraid it would make me gay? Terrified!! And a few of my very goodfriends were gay!Was I attracted to men? Mostly no... But somehow you feel different whendressed..
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