"I told her "no that is not true!"She asked in a pained voice "would you want me?"I hesitated and Mona was crying and tears running down her flawless pale complextion."Mona, I always wanted you. I have had a crush on you since I was 13. I have always loved you and cared for you that way! I am so ashamed." I answered slowly and I lowered my head.Nothing happened for minutes. My mind raced. I had just admitted to my older sister that I had an incestual crush on her. In our family we were always modest and the most I had ever seen of Mona was her in a bikini. I could not believe how stupid I was and now after all she had been through I had frightened her and tears ran down my cheek.Mona spoke slowly, "I always knew how you felt about me. I know you love me and care for me. I only feel safe when you're around now. There is no reason we can't do what you want now. I want a man that loves and cares for me. Why should I give myself to some stranger who I can never trust. I need someone to. Isuppose as it is with most children who suffer from this "affliction",(as I viewed it at the time) I thought I had the best kept secret in theworld. Only with hindsight as an adult did I realize it was the best keptopen secret in the world! The taboo subject never to be talked about inmy presence, but no doubt a topic of conversation discussed in myabsence. Looking back as an adult minus my childhood naivety I nowcomprehend all the innuendos and subtle mickey taking I received from mypeers and adults alike, not to mention the unexplainable hostility fromcertain quarters.Within that new found hindsight which comes with maturity of adulthood Ihad to dispense with the delusion that my mother had no idea of myinclinations. In my own defence I only knew her in the first six years ofmy life before she was cruelly snatched away from me by a drunk driverwho mowed her down as she stood unaware on the pavement.Yes hindsight can be a wonderful tool in life to boost ones learning andexperience.
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