'Are you here for a room?' came a muffled voice from within the house. 'Yes' I replied, trying to add a hint of urgency to my voice. 'Well there's nothing left,' came the reply 'sorry.' Fuck off, you're not getting rid of me that easily. 'Oh, come on, you must have something?' I pleaded. 'Not a single room. There's a coach party from London who booked them all in advance.' I sighed, leaning my head against the door. 'What's your name?' I asked. 'Pardon?' 'What's your name?' 'Ermm, Darcy' 'Ah, that's lovely name. Now, Darcy, listen. I've been driving all night, I'm absolutely shattered. I'll pay anything, I'll do anything, but can I please just sleep somewhere in this house?' There was a pause, then a sigh. 'Right, come in and I'll see what I can do.' Just as she finished speaking, the door opened. I quickly jumped in before she had chance to change her mind, and then looked up to see this mysterious Darcy. I can only think of one word to describe the woman stood Infront of me: MILF.. Then she said, "Close your eyes."I wanted to say "Why?" but didn't; suddenly I was feeling very passiveand gentle. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Shortly I feltLisa adjusting my wig yet some more, but differently this time. Then Ifelt the unmistakable sensation of satin against my skin yet again, thistime as she tied a ribbon underneath my chin, and now I knew what shewas doing. I smiled. "May I open them yet?" I asked."There," Lisa said gently. "Open them."I did. Lisa was holding up a pocket mirror, and there was my reflectedface, beneath a ladies hat with a wide, floppy brim, trimmed (of course)with still more lavender ruffles, a lavender bow tied underneath mychin. I moaned."Are you OK?" Lisa asked.I was crying. "What is it?" she asked."I look ugly," I said."You do not!" My face," I said. My voice was cracking. "I look like a boy in a wig.I need makeup."Lisa smiled and leaned in underneath the brim of my frilly hat andkissed me on my lips. "Close your eyes.
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