These are for both of us," she says. This puzzles me. "Open the greenone first," she prods.I open the small box and find a pacifier. I try to turn to her but shewill not let me. "Please, don't say a word until you have openedeverything."With my hands shaking slightly I take the red box she hands to me. Inthis box are five shower caps. At least I think they are shower capsuntil I pull one out of the box and see that it is actually a pair ofplastic pants. There is a pink pair, a light blue pair, a pair withdancing animals, a pair with blocks and one pair is clear. I start tosay something again, but I'm muffled by the pacifier she sticks in mymouth."Relax, I got into your computer," she says. "The stories sounded sogreat and with our size difference, this makes so much sense."I'm not sure what to do. I continue to stare at the oversized plasticpants until she prods me to open the rest of the presents. When Ifinish, there are a stack of diapers, pins, powder and such on one sideof me. On. I could tell she was pursing her lips together to suppress a smile, though. ‘OK, maybe not, maybe not. I’ll figure this out, though. Is there a multiple choice section on this quiz? No, wait, I’ve got it—it’s my rugged but unconventional hunkiness. You drag me out to these things to be premium arm candy, and because I’m cheaper than an escort service.’ This time Kate had to cover her mouth, and I could tell there was a big, shit-eating grin hiding behind her daintily positioned hand. ‘All right, not there yet? Wait, I am there, prepare for me to hit a bull’s eye on this head-scratcher. Here it is: My snarky opinions are not so inane as they first appear, and are in fact the musings of a keen renaissance intellect with a brilliant instinct for texture and composition.’ Kate was now unable to completely bottle up her mirth—it was sneaking out as a sort of Muttley the Dog hiss-laugh. She took advantage of her grip on my arm, trying, and mostly succeeding, at twisting it behind my back.
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