I took this opportunity to lift my hand and put a finger in his mouth, letting him taste my juices.I could see him looking along the road, looking for somewhere to stop, until he suggested somewhere quiet. I refused him, being stubborn and bitchy and he looked at me desperately, frustrated at being so horny and frustrated at my attitude. He started using a pet name he had used on me when we were together, followed by ‘I want you’. I only managed another mile down the road before asking him to turn off the road and find somewhere. He looked relieved. He parked up, turning his lights off and I was already on him, breathing in his aftershave – the one that makes me go crazy - and kissing his mouth, my fingers running through his hair as he held onto my lips with his.But this was not about foreplay. I knew what I wanted and I could see from the glint in his eyes that he wanted it too. He positioned my chair as far back as it would go, pushing me backwards, and then turned the handle. I sighed internally, shrugged my shoulders and continued to visit where our lives intersected. But this wasn’t like before. Other times, my feelings would fade eventually. On accepting the inevitable the object of my desire and I would drift away. Now, I couldn’t stop my feelings. Every time I saw her they rose in me. Being so aware of her and knowing she wasn’t to be mine would hurt. To be so close and not to have is painful. I would come where we met to see her, then avoid her. I wouldn’t enter conversations where she was, and would leave those when she arrived. Sometimes I could control myself enough to speak, so I don’t believe she ever knew I was keeping her at a distance. It took quite a while, but one day it seemed I had accepted. That I had come to grips with my want and loss. We simply became people who knew each other, and were friends. I no longer stayed away from her and we talked a lot. But last night I had a dream. Unusual for me, to have a dream I remember. More.
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