It was more careful observation and study over many years. What they understood is that within each of is both male and female, and achieving a balance on one side or the other produces inner peace.”I wasn’t sure I understood what she was saying and I said, “The Yin and Yang thing, right?”“Many misunderstand this as the balance I speak of.” Ah Lam said. “In fact Yin and Yang describe how opposites fit perfectly to compliment the strength of the other, to fit together as a whole instead of each part being the whole. What I speak of is balance, or in Chinese Pínghéng. And that is what our ancients attempted to develop the cream to do, to balance the male and female of each person who used it. In today’s science we know that the male hormone, testosterone, makes a man what he is in his outward appearance as well as it drives his libido. And we know he has estrogen, the female hormone but in very small amounts. In women testosterone produces arousal while estrogen brings on the. I don’t know stuff like you do, I don’t talk properly and I don’t dress like you do.’ This last was true. I have mentioned before that the only time I saw her in a dress was when she had her interview for the job at the gallery. ‘They’d all laugh at you and that’s what I couldn’t stand.’ I kissed her mouth. This was not easy. I’d never seen this vulnerable side to her and I had no idea how to handle it. It was, of course, nonsense. My work-mates were a good bunch, knew I am lesbian and would never have been even remotely unkind to either of us but she didn’t know that and whatever I said was unlikely to seem anything other than an attempt to push her into it. Then a light came on in my head. ‘Who is the nicest person we know?’ This was easy, because we both knew it was Nellie, the barmaid at the pub. She said that and I smiled. I straddled her legs, put my hands on her shoulders and kissed her again, a long, tonguey kiss. I leant into her and felt her hands sliding up my legs under.
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