Counseling didn't help. I've seen three differentpsychiatrists who kept trying to tell me it wasn't my fault. But itwas. I asked Sarah to give me Rachel so I could put her in the carseat.She said yes, and turned to thank the nurses from the maternity ward.That's when the gunshots came. They never told us what happened. All Iknow was that my wife and two doctors died.Everytime I have the dream, I wake up sweating. So after a quickshower, I realized that day that I wasn't going to get back to sleep. Icrept over to Rachel's crib. She was sleeping in fits and starts, Asshe rolled over, her eyes opened. Seeing me there, she regarded mypresence quizzically. I don't know why I did it, but it just seemedright. I reached into the crib and took my little princess. "Come on,Rachel. Let's go for a drive." I made sure to pack enough diapers andbottles for two hours of driving. With Rachel in her car seat, I alsoput her stroller in the back of the Subaru, in case we actually got outfor some. I had been suffering every hour of everyday. Then as soon as I had finished my lunch he told me innocently that he wanted to ride up to the park and walk around and talk...just to get away. Even as mad as I was because he didn't want to stay here and give me what I wanted, I reluctantly agreed to go, threw on my shoes fixed my hair and got in his car. Once we got there we walked around to some of the spots we use to hang out at and out of the corner of my eye I noticed some guys sitting on the tables, they must have seen me looking and one of the guys called out my name. I looked at Brandon, and saw a twinge of jealousy in his eyes...this gave me great pleasure because when he got angry or jealous he was always able to dish out the best sex. So, I took my time and devised a plan to get him to do some very dirty things to me. I got up from where we were sitting and told him that I had something to show him. We made our way to the darker side of the park, with him being drug behind.
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