“Um, Vi?”“Uh-huh?” Her voice was quiet, calm.“I need to...” Orgasm like there’s no tomorrow, my brain filled in for me. “Um, I need to use the bathroom.”“Oh. Okay.” She shifted forward a little. Holding back a gasp of relief, I slipped off the sofa.Shutting the bathroom door, I gripped the edge of the vanity and shook my head, staring at myself in the mirror. What the fuck, man. My reflection did not provide any answers.I thought about jerking off to relieve myself, but that felt weird, and Violet would expect me back in moments. Instead I ran cold water over my wrists until my fingers throbbed, splashing a little on my face for good measure. I felt my self-control return by degrees.“Sorry for the timing.” I apologized as I returned.“It’s okay.” Violet picked up the remote. We watched the last five minutes with me sitting beside her.“That was very good,” I concluded.“It’s one of my favourites.”I picked up the wine bottle and sloshed it from side to side; there was maybe a glass. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat and place elastic band on cupboard door.Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus.
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