."He stopped talking."For what?" I asked."Never mind. It's nothing." He said."Billy, we've just finished fucking our eyeballs out." I said. "It seems tobe that you don't need to hold something back." When I was 12, one of the boys in my neighborhood fucked me." Billysaid. "He was 16 and big. He told me I would like it. Well, I didn't. Inever felt so much pain in my life. But he hit something. It was a halfcentury ago, but I still remember the pain, and I still want for someone tofind the spot he hit." I tried!" I said. "And no pain." Billy laughed. It was a cheerful, notrueful or cynical, laugh. I have no interest in pain, but I knew that somepeople associate pain with sexual pleasure. Billy must have made thatassociation in his mind."I know all the pop psychological explanations of my obsessions." Hesaid. "But I've been looking for something for years. And this may be it." Can you believe we are a group of almost elderly men, who are acting liketeenagers in heat?" I asked."Ain't it. " Really?"Clair nodded."So you know I'm a grease monkey?" Joe called you a mechanical genius." Well..."Her friends and I praised her skills."You're my dream, Min," Clair explained. "I'm not comfortable with the hardness of men and bull dykes make me nervous. Let's just say they're unattractive. I need my lover to be strong and tough and yet soft and gentle. I need her to rule our roost yet listen and care what I say, to respect me despite my passiveness and frailty." You're not frail, at least not in bed." We laughed and Clair blushed."I love your smile and your sweet, kind eyes," said Clair."And I think you're adorable and way too cute and beautiful for me." Thanks. But I'm not. You're a powerful, remarkable young woman and if anything I'm ... common." Bullshit," Melinda responded. "You proved yourself to be deserving of respect from Doris." (Doris is my amazing agent.) "How many youngsters has she seduced who ended up not only working for her but becoming her biggest client's.
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