Later that year, we had another run in about poetry. Emma told me it was time I remembered I had two sons.’‘Trouble is it was already too late, that was the last time he said anything to me that he didn’t have to. Even at Christmas and birthdays, Emma would ask what he wanted and the response was always the same. `I don’t want anything from him’’‘He did two paper rounds, one morning, one evening. On Saturdays, he worked filling shelves in the supermarket. I tell you that boy did nothing but work and study. I thought he would come around. He saw his brother getting whatever he needed, just by asking. Yet he was prepared to work his arse off just to avoid asking. He wanted a new computer, he went out and bought it.’‘John decided that he didn’t want to go to university. He didn’t see the point when he was only going to end up in the family business. Will never even considered that. When he reached eighteen, he bought himself a motorbike and took a place at Southampton University. I was so desperate, Tony. When I realized what I’d signed, I tried to charm him out of it. I offered to buy him out of it. The only way ... I offered myself.” Kate cried and held herself to me. I was so angry I couldn’t even put my arms around her.“You told me he forced you.”“He did. But it was my fault. The first time he kissed me I realized I’d made a mistake. I was so overwhelmed with self-loathing that I froze. He kept going and I started to fight him off. I said, ‘No. I can’t do this.’ He just kept pulling my clothes off. I pushed and scratched, but I couldn’t get away from the constant hammering in my head that this was what I deserved. I deserved to be humiliated and raped. I deserved everything he did. I hated myself. You think I deserved it, too.”I managed to bring my hands up to Kate’s shoulders and tried to hold her. She pushed herself away from me.“I understand what Wendy felt when she went back to Rafe. I understand why she felt that way. I understand what a terrible,.
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