Once I am caught up, I will be trying my very best to keep my journal current.Hopefully there may one day be a time that I can remember who I am, and where I came from! For some reason, whatever memory I have, which isn’t eidetic, anyway; so, I am only human, but ... I am not able to go back before the EVENT, I don’t even know or understand what or why the event was, but there is NO memory prior to what I am relating here.Come to think of it, why am I keeping a personal journal? Well, I don’t have an eidetic memory, oh, I can remember things that happened a week ago, but I don’t remember something from an hour ago ... selective prioritisation, the memory from last week was meaningful, was important.I am afraid that there will come that day, when I have a noodle-memory, everything just flows through, without even yielding, let alone stopping, like water being poured over noodles, and I am forced to remember on paper anyway.I was awake. So melodramatic, but it was true; hey, I have to. "Unless you killed someone, in which case I don't want to be an accessory, tell me what's going on." I sighed. "Fine, but lets sit in the living room where Tom and Emerson can't hear." I told her everything. I told her about Jonathan at the grocery store. I told her about the website, leaving out the part about my orgasm afterwards. I told her about how "vanilla" my sex life with my husband was, and last of all I told her that I was considering doing it. Jan sat for a moment in silence after I finished. I tried to gauge her face to tell her reaction, but I couldn't. "I say go for it," Jan shouted, pulling me into a huge hug. "Huh, don't judge, wait, what?" I stammered, wondering if I had heard her correctly. "Are you really saying I should do a porno?" "Sure, why the hell not?" Jan grinned. "I'm fucking married, Jan. Tom would never allow it." "Who says Tom has to know?" Jan took my hand, offering me some comfort. "I guess, but he will wonder. How can I face him knowing I had sex.
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