She wanted several contradictory things from one moment to the next. Joel left after a while, and Lucy hid from him for two weeks, not answering the telephone at night or responding to his letters. When she did talk to him, she let him know about the ambivalence she felt and she asked him to try to understand. He seemed to. She lay that night thinking about what she would like to do with him, if she only had the nerve. Joel could read between the lines enough to guess at what the problem was. Lucy wanted to go to bed with him, but at the same time she did not want to. Either she had been badly burned by a man who she had an affair with or, more likely he thought, she had never gone all the way with a man and was nervous about doing so. He wanted very much to ease her into a physical relationship, and to ease her into opening her legs for him, and, if his guess was right, to ease his way into the gentle stretching and bursting of her maidenhead. Then to enter her. ”I continued; “I may need to stay until at least semester break, rentals are scarce right now, I would imagine. I don’t want to go back to the dorms, and I am not going back to the frat. That is if it is all right with you, of course. I would like to fix up the apartment over the garage if you will let me stay. That way your male friends can come over without the nosy son getting in the way.” I laughed after that. “I can even kick in a few bucks rent to help with the minuscule amount of food you always feed me.”“Of course, you big dope, this is your house too. I’ll just have to tell all of my male friends that we need to meet somewhere else.” She started giggling and grabbed me in a big hug.I knew there were no male friends as she had not gotten over my dad’s passing. She always made more food than five people could eat, but the leftovers were great.Mom went to the kitchen with me and when she saw that I had brought my special coffee, hugged me again and proceeded to make us a pot. I.
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