He was less masculine andwas always a target for the senior students to make fun and fair. Overthe years, when he went to the senior classes, the other boys werechasing girls. But he was chasing good and gentle boys. He had come torealise that he was less masculine than other boys and his preferencewas boys than the girls. He considered girls as rivals and dislikedthem. He only talked to those girls who did not have boy friends andwho were interested in gossips rather than sex. He had come of age toknow that he preferred to be a girl and his heart and mindautomatically turned to boys for sex or even for fantasising. His innerconscience made him behave like a girl. He even wanted to dress asgirls but was afraid that others would tease him. As a child he triedon his sisters clothes. He loved the feel of silk and lace on his body.For some years, his hidden desires were quelled for his family washighly disciplined. But then whenever he had the chance he used to makethe most of it by. I cried buckets of tears that night, but in the morning I woke up feeling more relaxed and happy than I'd felt for a decade. I came to the conclusion that if he could speak to me now he'd probably be saying, "Go for it, love! Second chances don't come round that often, so grab it with both hands if one's offered, and make the most of it!"I could even hear his voice saying it in my head, and I thought about it over and over again to see if I'd change my mind. After I'd given myself a headache and another very sleepless night over it, I finally came round to accepting that Luke hadn't rejected me by dying. He couldn't help getting cancer, and I'm sure he still loves me as much as I'll always love him, but I was now a single woman, who has needs that haven't been satisfied for a very long time. So long in fact that I thought they'd never be satisfied again.I now made the conscious decision to see if I could ever feel the longing for something like the heat of bodily lust again, and.
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