It was consoling, the power they wielded, no matter how hard they were on me. I am that little girl you want to take in, the receptive little girl. In this fashion, I yearn to be a child again and yet, I hated every moment of my carefree childhood. I have, for a long time, relished my complexity as a human being. I am forever elusive, even to myself. Constant oscillation, and the whirlwind makes its appearance again. Who am I beneath this skin and these bones that seemingly link me to others around me? Who do they know resides there? It excites me to entertain these thoughts. But I am lost. Lost in a conscious way. Lost in an “I am not lost” way. I met my Master in the flesh this week. I grew more aware with the subjugation of every logical thought that had tried to rush through my head. There was nothing to decide, only to stop deciding. My senses had never been so fine-tuned. The intensity of the exhilaration that had me in delectable knots, it was a moment of wilful sedation. ”Megan’s amusement flourished. She swung her nyloned legs toward me and crossed the right over the left. I tried and failed not to glance at her legs. She was enjoying herself.“I was just sending a message.”It was a feeble effort to change the subject but Megan gallantly allowed it to work.“Don’t let me stop you,” her teeth flashed brilliant white. “Where is my drink?”She turned to wave to the bartender as relief spilled over me.One drink turned into another. We chatted and laughed, sometimes at the expense of our coworkers but mostly about simple day to day life and general observations about people. Megan eventually excused herself to visit the washroom. After sufficient time had passed, I looked to see if she was coming, each time disappointed when she wasn’t. I wanted to enjoy the thrill of her approach, knowing it was me she was joining.After ten minutes, I became concerned and craned my neck to look down the hallway leading to the washrooms. As I sat back, my eyes swept across.
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