Uncle John made me face up to what I did and why. The time I spent with him on the farm was not pleasant. He made me realize that the Jan and Justin thing was just between them. I got caught as the unwitting foil used to get him back. I also came to understand that what was said hurt, but was not done to be malicious."When I came home after the summer at my uncle's farm, I thought we were building our friendship again. The thing that kept coming up for me, was you felt I wasn't good enough, and had to change to be what you wanted." But I meant we weren't ready for more, yet. I thought you understood." I understood fine. I agreed, but you added the condition that I wasn't good enough." I was trying to push you to grow up," she said."Exactly! I needed to grow up. There was never a we in there. I was the one who had to change. I was the one who was inferior. You can only hear it so many times, before you begin to believe it. Then when you came to me, and told me you had chosen Trevor. Even here he was a surprise. No junk food boxes and bags. And it was filled with actual food. Fruits and vegetable were in the see through drawers, lunch meat was wrapped up in plastic and in another drawer. There were some leftovers but they weren’t takeout. Another piece to add to the puzzle that was Nick Saint. She grabbed his soda, taking a bottle of water for herself and took her load back to the dining room. Inside she was a quivering mess trying to steal herself to prove that she was tough enough to look at these photos and to discuss traumatic and violent death as if she dealt with it on a daily basis. Outside she was calm and in control. And she would stay that way or die trying, she vowed. He was still standing where she had left him, staring at the pictures. It stole into her that he cared enough about the victims to lose himself in thought. She had read about his career. It was hard not to. He had been instrumental in putting away a lot of bad guys in the past twelve.
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