She wanted him for some task and found him in a clinch with me. She ordered him out and pointed out the error of his ways.’ She looked regretfully at the wall behind me for a moment. ‘That’s why he was in such a foul mood.‘So how come..?’ Again she instigated the answer before I asked the question properly.‘She grabbed me by the hair and slapped me about a bit, my jumper got ripped, not that I was fighting back, it just happened. She threw me out after Curtis and that’s when I saw you. I was expecting your evening would be somewhat more time consuming.’‘I don’t know what was going on,’ I continued, leaning on the front desk now, ‘she hit me so hard I passed out and then she came back in with her mate and laid into me some more. Next thing I knew I was out the door with a collar and bangles and a few bruises to show for my night. It wasn’t much fun.’‘Well if you expected your future at the house to be fun, under the circumstances, I think you may continue to be disappointed.’Just then. You see, she had transitioned shortly after wegraduated from High School. God, I wish I had known. Maybe we could havehelped each other. Maybe I wouldn't be where I was now. But, she wasdead. Victim of an 'accidental' overdose. About as accidental as I wasplanning."You know. You're one of the lucky ones who got to spend at least partof their lives as a woman. Look at me...I'm nearly sixty, I've been wearingdresses as long as I can remember and I will NEVER look like a woman!Christ. I just want this over with. I'm so tired of living a lie!Jahna just looked at me with those big blue eyes. I saw a tear slowlycrawl down her cheek."God damnit!! I've tried! I've tried being what everyone expects me tobe. I've tried living my life in the shadows! One foot in the closet andone foot out! I just can't do it any more!" I was shouting and crying at the same time. Jahna just sat on the coffeetable and took my hand in both of hers."I know. I was there. I was the woman I was.
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