Of course, the vocational motivation may be based on less worthy aspirations, some of which may even be pathological; this is an area for profound and comprehensive discernment.Despite this divine initiative – or perhaps precisely because of it – I wish to suggest that the celibate calling is a highly sexualised one. The celibate may well be the most erotic of all humans, honouring a very ancient understanding of the Divine as a highly eroticised life-force, impregnating the whole of creation. That being the case, two important adjustments need to be made to our thinking. Firstly, God is not a-sexual, and neither is any organism created by God. Secondly, the celibate needs expressive outlets for psycho-sexual energy, which cannot be adequately or appropriately channelled through sublimation or total abstinence.On this complex question, ancient cultures may have been far more enlightened than contemporary ones. They provided outlets for the expression and articulation of sexual desire. They created secrets. Ava touched her lips as she remembered her first kiss. Not from her belated husband. Not from one of the boys in her small community. She remembered the soft, gentle lips of Anna touching hers. She remembered their tongues touching carefully. Embracing. Melting. She remembered the soft caress on her face when Anna put her long hair behind her ear again. She remembered how she braided her hair and then tickled her with the tip. How she tried to get even by tickling Anna back and ended up rolling through the long grass together until they stopped and kissed passionately. She took another deep breath and closed her eyes. It was as if she could feel Anna's hands caressing her again. From the side of her neck, over her shoulder, nudging her dress down. Anna had cupped her breasts as she stood there speechless. She'd kissed each of them softly. She'd sucked on her nipples. Ava bit her lip as the memories flooded her. Anna kneeled before her as she'd stood there half.
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