"I'm a terrible trainer for dealing with girls -- you're going to have to get that elsewhere. I'm a ... well ... a slut; I always was, but Toby's father liked it and he reinforced it when we were together. There is nothing decent about me -- I want it. I ALWAYS want it! Now you know -- pinch my ass, and I'll roll over and spread my legs! In some ways, I'm sure it's a dream come true -- but you'll probably think less of me for it, and God knows I'm totally exposed, now that you know..." Totally exposed?" Lon was having trouble integrating this into his planned scenario. He was incredibly self-centered; seeing things from someone else's perspective was a stretch. Beth's little recitation was well outside his experience; he was looking at bits and pieces of the puzzle and trying to see where they fit..."Well, having a total slut at your beck and call -- even if she IS a fat pig -- is likely to lead to excesses..." Beth eyed him sidelong from below. "I'd be easy to blackmail..." Oh." Lon. And then there was his smell, ingrained in the cushions on the settee, absorbed in the leather and permeated into every surface. The polish that had been used by the cleaners did not have a strong enough scent to mask Jim's musk. A smell that she missed now and in a heart aching moment of remembrance, craved in the basest sense.It was more than she could take in. Rachel almost bolted. She even felt her feet shuffle in readiness to fly from the house, slam the front door and just keep on running until she fell off the edge of the world.Her six months away had not been enough. The wound was still too raw for her to return to London and try to pick up her life, sans Jim.She didn't bolt from the house though. Instead, she stood in the middle of the front room, her face in her hands as she soaked up the misery until it spilled over and she sobbed in wracking heaves.Jim being taken from her so violently was not how it was supposed to be. Being a victim in a road traffic accident was not.
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