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“My son, I have lived a ling, full life. Take the other parachute and save yourself.”The Boy Scout just smiles. “Don’t worry, Your Holiness. The world’s smartest man just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack!”The following items are compliments of J & B.After the brief Falkland Islands war, a British regiment commander was addressing some troops under his command who had heroically performed above and beyond the call of duty. He informed them that Her Majesty’s Army had committed to reward each of the three soldiers 100 pounds per inch of distance between two different parts of the man’s body.The commander addressed the first soldier, “Where would you like to be measured, Sergeant?”“From the tip of me head to the soles of me feet, Sir!”, he replied.“Very good!”, the commander said, and the sergeant was measured at 6’5”. He was paid the handsome sum of 7000 pounds.The second soldier was asked, “What about you, Corporal?”“Between the tips of the fingers of me outstretched arms,. Then it looked up to Jim. “Thanks human, I am stuck below that stupid rock for a couple days now and I don't think I would've made it much longer.”“Can I offer you a snack or something to drink?” Jim asked and pulled out his water bottle, which the creature grabbed and gulped down.“Oh, that is good,” it said and then grabbed a landjäger sausage from Jim's hand and took a good bite. “I am Torick and as you can see, I'm a gnome. A thankful gnome.”“A gnome? I read some fairy-tales about you.. Shouldn't you have magic abilities? Why did you not just made the rock disappear?”“It's gneiss rock,” the gnome said and kicked a small stone to the side. “It's the core of the mountain and therefore you can't use magic on it which comes from the mountains.”He then hopped down his stone and stretched his legs a bit. Then he looked at Jim. “Now, I think you deserve some reward,” he said. “What would you like to have? Some pile of gold?”Jim looked a bit surprised and realized that he didn't really.
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