.. I mean, that was a pivotal moment, forsure... but now, many years later, lying on the beach at Fort Tilden,working on my suntan in a little black string bikini, thinking back tohow it all started... I don't really believe that moment made me who Iam today... no, I think there is something inside us too, that makes uswho we are... and I can't help but think that even then, as a littleboy, there was something in me that wanted to be erased, ruined anddestroyed... made to act like a girl... and be treated like a girl...call it a masochistic bent or something else... call it whatever youwant... but it only got worse with adolescence. That's when I reallystarted dressing up a lot--in secret--whenever my parents went out,whenever I was alone in the house, I would put on lingerie and lipstickand masturbate in the mirror... looking at this little hippie boy-girlwearing flowers in her long brown hair... that's me... listening to theVelvet Underground... wishing I was the lead singer Nico, a. I was surprised the music didn’t stop as she sat at the bar, half the conversations seemed to as almost everyone turned to look at her. Her husband must bask in this wherever they go. As we had planned, I went and sat beside her opposite her husband. “Hi there, aren’t you beautiful, I'm Alex.” I extended my hand, and she shook it tentatively, quickly glancing at her husband. “Sarah, nice to meet you.”Her husband had given me some tips but I couldn’t seem to recall a lot, her beauty had really knocked me for a loop. The thought of fucking her later, to be precise. “What brings you here so late in the evening?”“Oh, I wanted to go home after dinner out, but Jason here wanted to take me someplace to ‘show me off' as he put it. Jason, this is Alex.”“Good evening sir, your wife is very beautiful.” “Nice to meet you,” Jason said. “See honey, it's working already.”We had agreed that I should just ignore his presence, and he would do what he could from the back end to persuade her.
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