She sipped tentatively, smiled at him, and then took a larger swallow. "Mmm, good," she said. She felt safe and secure, now that they were back in their own home, and a little contrite for the way she had behaved tonight. But, as she had told Howard, she'd been upset and everything had seemed to be drawing in on her at the same time, crushing her under its weight. Now, with the liquor to take away the sharp edge of her problems, she wasn't as sure as she had been that things were going to go wrong in their perfect marriage. After all, Howard still loved her-- there was no doubt of that in her mind at all. What, then, could be terrible enough to override that abiding love? Especially since she loved him as deeply as he did her?Still, though, there was one nagging question permeating her mind. If she had been fully sober, she would never have broached it aloud to Howie--but the drinks had loosened her tongue enough so that, now, she did; she had to find out the truth."Howie," she began,. 'If that hurts anyone's feelings, tough luck.'And I decided to keep the tee-shirt tucked in.I know, it wasn't that big a deal since classes were already over forthe day, but there were still a lot of students in the building, doingcatch-up work or hanging out in the theater watching the rehearsal andwaiting for friends or siblings. I guess you could call it another smallstep for me. But judging from the reaction of some of the guys I walkedpast, I'd have to call it a big step.*****A week or two before Thanksgiving I got invited back to the McCowans'place for Sunday dinner again. Mom had taken the call from Mrs. McCowanwhile I was at work and apparently had a 'nice long chat' with Mark'smom. When I got home that night Mom was still up but she had her nightieand a housecoat on - obviously waiting to talk to me. And when sheinformed me of the invitation and their conversation, I felt kind ofuneasy."Mom, I don't know if I'm up to it," I told her while we were seated atthe kitchen island..
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