That he was no longer attracted to me. That he felt resentful toward me. That I had changed too much. After a week of constant crying, of self harming for the first time in years, of sleeping on a palette of piled sheets and blankets in the nursery next to my baby’s crib, he came to me. He said he’d been wrong. He said he never meant a word, that he just needed to ‘get it out’. He had needed to see me hurting over him. We resumed. I began to put forth more effort. I truly believed that more effort on my part was really what was needed. I tried to lose the baby weight by denying myself rest after a long day of reading Peter Rabbit and Goodnight Moon, of cleaning up thrown food, of endlessly wiping and powdering a little bottom, of choking back my own tears while rocking my crying baby. I denied myself the fleeting pleasure and comfort of food and wine. Instead I tried to put my anger into swimming, running, or weight lifting. I tried to focus or gain peace from pilates, yoga, or. "I heard a gasping "Yes," part Jenny's lips and Mark made another of his small nods. Jenny took his hand and led him into the back rooms. I followed, picking up the clothes they had already discarded, and winking at Adie. She smiled at us as we walked by.The private rooms — which weren't really private, just separated from the main space — were just big enough for a king sized mattress on the floor, and the space to walk around it. They were standing to one side of the doorway when I walked in.I tossed down their clothes and turned to Mark. "Take off your shirt." What?" he asked."I said, 'Take off your shirt.'"I stepped close to him, invading his personal space. I could feel the arousal and submission flowing off of him in waves. He was scared; scared of his own desires and scared of what he might do tonight. I smiled at his fear; it turned me on. "You want this," I said. It wasn't a question."You want to be dominated. You both do. You want it together. It turns you on that I'm going.
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