Each recognized that they had let go of a gem, and sought to rehire her when conditions allowed, but in almost every case Joyce had found new work, and was loyal to her current employer. And one more thing: The reason Kara had approached Jinna about entering the adult film business was because she wanted to help her mom. Susan knew first hand that Kara had a “sex-positive” personality, so it was not hard to imagine the girl considering this a likely possibility, without fully understanding the often seamy reality of the profession. Susan was delighted. Not that Joyce had had a hard life, but that the woman deserved better, and that she, richer-than-Croesus Susan Smith, had the means, opportunity and motive to turn it all around for Kara’s mother. Which she joyfully resolved to do. She still had no idea what to make of Kara’s being “in love with” her mom to the point of wanting to have sex with her, but that could be dealt with later. In the meantime Susan got busy planning a series. Was I smitten? What do you think? After dinner at a Malaysian restaurant in late December, before she left for a family gathering, I surprised Shoshana with a Hanukkah gift, a two-CD set of Cajun and Zydeco music, reflecting our interest in world music and her knowledge of French. She called me from an airport a few days later to thank me. I doubt she understood what a huge emotional leap I had to make to buy her a gift. Or, given what followed, perhaps she understood my gesture all too well and it frightened her. I heard nothing while Shoshana was away, but that didn’t surprise me, given the press of family matters, distance, and the decompression of recent divorce. As I initially wrote to her, we could take things as fast or slow as she wanted. New Year’s Eve passed, the work week started. No calls, no post card, nothing. I sent her an email with the jaunty subject line, ‘Welcome back from the land of’ and mentioned where she went. A deep unease was seeping into me, as if I stood.
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