His hand gripped my thigh firmly but gently if such a thing exists. His hand moved up my thigh and felt the strap of my garter belt. Smiling at me he then smoothed his hand down my thigh, resting just above my knee. His hand began to softly massage the flesh just above my knee.He began conversations with persons assigned to the table, all the while rubbing my thighs through the material of my dress.Wickedly I decided to move things along a little. I moved my right hand under the table and dragged my evening dress up my shins and over my knees, exposing my legs to my hosts' hand.Continuing his conversation he turned toward me briefly, smiled, nodded then moved his right hand to my stocking tops.Turning to my host I returned his smile, nodded then placed my gloved left hand deftly onto to his throbbing crotch.This was one cool customer. He moved his hand above my stocking tops and slid his fingers between the gap in my legs, till his fingertips met my naked shaved slit.His smile. After sex, even before my orgasm was finished, the severity of what I’d done would set in. I was trading a few seconds of ecstasy for an eternity of damnation. I was angry with myself, and that anger spilled out onto Raquel. We were both fighting this urge to have sex, and I blamed her for giving in just as much as I blamed myself. When I left her I wanted to believe that she was just a bitch and that I just couldn’t stand her anymore, but that wasn’t the case. The truth was my sexuality wasn’t as simple as I wanted to believe it was. The stories I had written were a testament to my issues. A part of me wanted to be a regular guy. I wanted to be like my father who I imagined kept himself in the missionary position when I heard him ramming my mother upstairs in their bed at night. But I couldn’t keep my imagination in line with the morals my parents tried to impose on me. It was after years of sexual exploration that I realized I didn’t hate Raquel. I was jealous of her. I was.
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