To be honest, that did become harder and harder as I became more sleep deprived and as I was being driven completely insane by these dreams.“Francis, are you OK?” My friends would ask.“Is living in the house getting to you? You really don’t have to live there, Francis, it’s OK to admit that it’s too difficult to live there.” They’d say.“What do you mean you’re sleeping in the room she died in? That’s sick. Are you just trying to prove a fucking point to us? You’re being a bitch, Francis, and it’s clearly costing you your sanity.” They’d whine.Eventually, I didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore. I’d sit there trembling with fear, my fingers bloodied from scratching at the door in my sleep the night before, and I’d nod as my friends urged me to move out of the house. But I knew I wouldn’t move out. At this point, this was my reality and I was going to keep living it until the day I died. That was, until the night everything changed…I had been fired from my job at the movie. As I went to leave he asked if I was free during at the weekend and knowing my husband would be away told him maybe and gave him my number and told him to text not to call.A few days later while in work the text came through asking if I wanted to meet he would be up for the football Saturday and it was a lunch time kick off so if I was interested he would be in the bar we met in about 5pm a few more texts came through saying how much he enjoyed chatting swapping messages by text seems so antiquated now so I told him I would think about it and if I turned up he would know the answer.The next few days was should I or shouldn't I go Saturday morning I still hadn't decided and then I though fuck it am going hubby was away on deployment. I got ready showered, hair makeup done dress was figure hugging with a split side and heels and soon out of the train into town. It was just after 5pm as approached the bar the butterflies started am I doing the right thing should I go home eventually I.
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